Lifeline | Behind the camera.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting...  Reflecting, not just about life here on earth, but life from behind the camera. Two of which are very different worlds.  The camera is my muse, and I, its lifeline; its heartbeat.  Without, each is dysfunctional.


The "busy" season had me in quite the frenzy, and with this just being my first year, that frenzy became a cyclone of snapped nerves, tears, and sleepless nights.  Emotions were running high, and I was frantic.  I didn't have time to worry.  There was no calm to the storm; it just kept coming and coming at full force, and everything seemed to be out of my control.


Never underestimate the power of prayer.  He says, ask and you shall receive.
{Luke 11:9}

I asked, and I received some and then some.

As any artist/designer, I think we all go through a dry period, and like lost out in the desert, we're frantically searching for water to quench our thirst.  I mean, we have to survive after all, right?

For those that know my photography background, know that I've had a professional grade camera in my hand since July of 2009. Not even 2 years. I dove head first into my business and went full throttle. I've never in my life been more determined and more motivated.  I felt proud.  Proud that I've been able to stick to something for longer than a 3-6 months time.  I felt proud that others were proud of me.  I felt proud just from being proud.  I was finally making something out of myself, and I didn't want to let it go, or really, for that matter, I didn't want to let it slip away.  I wanted to hold on tight... almost with a mean vengeance. "This is MINE. And NOBODY can ever take it away."  If you want something in life, you leap and you leap far, and you go after it.  No if's, and's, or but's about it. This has been my mindset for many many aspects of my life.  And not to sound spoiled, but I've never let myself down (except with dieting, which I'll discuss at a later date).  I want something, and I will do whatever it takes to get it. (keeping morals intact, of course)  This is how I was raised.  And I am thankful.

I am thankful for being a perfectionist, and I am now thankful God has diluted that perfectionism to a satisfying hunger I've never come to known until, now.  Sad that it took Him backing me up in a corner, but here I am.


Change.


I love it.  I don't like normality.  I don't like routine.  
I love spontaneity.


However, this...
is where I curl up in a ball, in that same corner He backed me up in....






...to be continued.